This topic is very personal. I have been very upset and I would say fluffed … like my feathers were ruffled when I first started to hear about my personal fertility. People were talking about my fertility like it was something they understood.
This is me, with my feathers ruffled:
Long story short -- I might upset someone today but on word we go because this is an important topic that I want to make sure women in their 20s and early 30s understand.
Presidents, secretaries, nurses, doctors, teachers; they all hide it. What do they hide? They hide a smoking habit.
Why? Because they know it's not something you are “supposed to do.” Yes, they all know how bad it is for their health. We all learned about it when we were younger. We all know that smoking can cause lung cancer and many more harmful things. When we were younger we saw ads about this. When we grew older we continued to see commercials for cigarettes or against them. Heck, there are warning labels all over the box of cigs.
Now on a completely different subject, let’s take our ability to have a baby.
Sometimes, like smoking, people are ashamed and hide things.
The biggest difference (again not talking about what they are but how we engage with these topics) is that we didn’t learn about our fertility over and over and over again.
There are so many societal pretenses around this subject that it could make me dizzy.
But someone, please someone shout from the mountaintop that although societal expectations and norms for women have and are changing (which I am all for) our bodies are not!
Our bodies are not evolving into some other reproduction machine that will wait for you until you are ready.
Our bodies have not been totally altered to fit the script.
Therefore I am trying to tell you that YOU can flip this.
We don't have to wait for anyone to educate us now.
It’s in your hands.
The power is in your most capable hands.
And I am not telling you this because I think every women needs to have a child.
Please don’t get it twisted.
I am incredibly passionate about this because I want every woman to understand the full picture. And I see the heartache and the depression and the sadness on the other side, when women are 42 and first think about having a baby and the doctor is trying to tell them politely, without ruffling their feathers, that chances are fairly slim at this point.
In order to move forward to learn about our fertility, let's understand why people do not do it in the first place. Besides society not being on board to educate everyone (like the smoking example) there are other reasons.
This is one of the reasons I hear a lot and I thought this myself years ago. We think we’re winning at life because we schedule our annual exam, actually go to the appointment, do all the tests and everything comes back normal.
This is very misleading when it comes to your fertility health. We all trust our doctors to provide information and details about our body. Which they are ...it just doesn’t cover everything we need.
And when we get that pap smear and it comes back A++ and you are free and clear of STDs for the last 10 years, we think everything is hunky dory.
Yet that’s not everything.
Did you know that there is a way to test your fertility today? If you’re 28 you can know if you’re starting to have fertility decline. If you’re 33, you can take a test to understand where your fertility health stands.
Now, good news! I’m going to teach all about it in my upcoming course - so be sure you’re signed up for my newsletter at fertilityboss.com! More details to come in the next few weeks.
In any case, your doctor is busy. They’re jamming through a number of patients every day. Do they have time to stop and talk with you about your fertility? Questionable.
It’s a touchy subject, as I mentioned before. Feathers = ruffled! Therefore doctor’s don’t want to go there.
Natasha Lavender just wrote a GREAT article in Self Magazine about what happens to our fertility and why doctors are not talking about it. You can check it out here.
What I am trying to say is because your doctor isn’t mentioning anything doesn’t mean your free and clear to not care about it. In my humble opinion.
In your 20s you pretty much care about your job, a paycheck and your social life. Where you continue to live and who you continue to date becomse a bit of a focus as well. There is a lot to figure out about yourself, who you are and what you want in your life. Actually in your 20s it more about figuring out what you don’t want than what you do want.
Not sure if this is the same for you but if you’re anything like me I used to think that 40 was the age when kids may no longer would be an option. As if when I turned the calendar to my 40th birthday my biological clock automatically shut it down and closed us shop.
That’s not true. Fertility starts declining with age.
If you’re over 25 years old, I truly think understanding your fertility health empowers you to put your life into action.
But let me share a statistic that is kind of crazy but here it is
-At age 25, your odds of conceiving after 3 months of trying are 20 percent.
I don’t know about you but all the hype around birth control made me think that I could get pregnant pretty much any day of the week. But that’s not really how it works.
If you want the option to have children “someday” you need to learn about your fertility health, now.
This isn’t something you want to start learning about when you’re 37.
I realize getting pregnant may not be what you want right now but do you want to pap smears? I don’t know about you but I would rather not do it if I had a choice.
But we do it anyways because someone said we need to do it. Or “should” do it.
And I am sharing with you that if I could go back to my youthful glowing self and say Hi, you might want to get your fertility checked out. I would think about it.
This is something that is definitely understandable yet I like to question it a bit. Stay with me here.
Yes, children are expensive. And with two incomes instead of one, things would be a lot easier.
Yes, having someone to share their first laugh, first smile, first steps with are incredibly fulfilling. To create life with someone and then see it come alive alongside someone can be a dream come true.
Yet I’m going to flip the script for a moment. Having another partner may make you realize your parenting styles are different. What if that partner that you thought was super dreamy and would make having children together amazing actually isn’t amazing.
How do you know the perfect partner is really going to be perfect?
There is a parents.com article that analyzes why parents with young children split up. They say, “why do so many parents through in the burby towel.” Funny.
Yet on the flip side - couples may love each other even more after children. You never know!
I share all of this to make sure we are not creating a fantasy or romantic vision about waiting for the right partner to come along.
If you want children, I want you to birth them, adopt them, go live with a family of them. Volunteer to be around them or start talking to a fertility center about having a child on your own.
Please don't take that dream away from yourself because you don’t see a partner in your life right now. That is NOT fair to you. Don’t put your life’s goals on hold because you don’t see someone else showing up in your life to share your life’s goals with you. These are your life goals, not someone else’s.
I’ve met incredible women that have raised twins on their own. Not sure how and who else helped them when they were super young -- but they did it; it can be done.
And remember, we never know what the future holds.
Can I get an amen for the Jennifer Lopez movie, The Back-Up Plan?
If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it when you want an easy, light-hearted rom-com.
I’m just saying there are ways to make it work for yourself and sometimes you are not even sure how they happen.
To recap, the top 3 surprising reasons that hold women back from learning about their fertility are:
1 - The doctor isn’t mentioning anything; therefore it must not be important/ a priority. Not True
2 - We Think We’re Too Young to Need to Care about It. Not True. This should be a basic part of our annual OBGYN appointment.
3 - There’s No Man or Partner In Your Life Right Now. If children are what you want and you are ready there are many options to bring children into your life, with or without that amazing partner.
Today we have options. A few years ago we might not have had all of these options but today we do. Today we can do something about this. Today - we can educate ourselves before it’s too late.
Know your options.
Empower yourself with information.
Then, do whatever you want with it.
Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Have a powerfully informed day beauty!
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